With Halloween comes the dreaded influx of candy. It's everywhere. At home (my mom donated and my roommate brought some home from work) and at work (everywhere! candy! sweets! parties! food!). Yesterday was one of the first days of snacking on sugary treats all day: cookies, puppy chow, individually wrapped chocolates. And this is just as I am resolving to eat healthier, snack less, and reduce the amount of sugary goodies I eat each day.
Good timing, Erin.
(Stolen from Clink, adjusted for location)
Name: Erin
Age: 24
Job: Advertising
Neighborhood: Wicker Park
Who's your favorite Chicagoan, living or dead, real or fictional?
Ferris Bueller, Kanye West
What's the best meal you've eaten in Chicago?
sushi at Japonais
In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job?
study kids, kids cereal, and media
Where do you get your coffee?
Starbucks
What's the last thing you saw at the theater?
King Lear at the Goodman....incredibly good
Do you give money to panhandlers?
Never
What's your drink?
Lately I've been drinking a lot of wine, usually red. Usually making me get really goofy drunk, causing me to send weird confusing text messages, and giving me a nasty headache the next day (i.e., last night).
How often do you prepare your own meals?
Once or twice during the week, but usually depends on my schedule. My meals, however, are not usually difficult to prepare. Think pasta, think frozen fish, think homemade pizza.
What's your favorite medication?
I don't like medicine. Except aspirin. For those post-red wine binge headaches or when my knee acts all crazy.
What's hanging above your sofa?
Two evil eye paintings my roommate made. They aren't really my style.
How much is too much to spend on a haircut?
I don't spend more than $50. And I think that is too much.
When's bedtime?
Generally around 11, but lately it hasn't been so easy to fall asleep.
Brunch: pro or con?
Indifferent. There are a few brunch places in my hood, but I don't really do brunch.
What's your thread count?
Strangely enough, I have no idea.
What do you hate most about living in Chicago?
The poorly designed public transportation system. And the weather.
What's your brand of jeans?
I don't think I have one favorite. I love how my Rock & Republic's make my butt look.
When's the last time you drove a car?
A few weeks ago when I had to drive to Indiana for a career fair.
Who should be the next president?
If Barack Obama runs.....
Tribune or Sun-Times?
I read both, online. Actually, if I had to pick one, I'd choose the New York Times.
Cubs or Sox?
Sox, of course. Despite their poor performance this fall, I'm a South Side girl at heart and prefer the good guys in black.
What makes someone a Chicagoan?
They say pop, dislike the suburbs, and complain about the CTA/the mayor/the weather at all times. Oh, and they've got an awesome, undefeated football team.
It's a good thing baseball in Chicago turned out the way it did this fall. I don't think this city could handle two winning teams....someone might expect Michael Jordan to start playing basketball again.....
Now, do we think Brian Urlacher can sing? I think the team might have to start working on their song in time for February.
I'm stuffing my face and watching football. it's been the theme of the weekend. tonight, i'm consoling myself with a gigantic fudgy brownie and milk while I watch the Bears struggle against Arizona. (Rex Grossman, what are you doing?)
Yesterday, it was pure sloth. A and I didn't get out of bed all day. I didn't go further than upstairs to the kitchen to grab the leftover pizza from the night before which we ended up eating in bed. Sleep, football, sleep, football, talked to my mom, TBS, sleep, more TBS, some random late night tv, sleep. That was my Sunday.
At some point last night, I asked A if he was sick of me yet. it had been almost 36 straight hours together, just us - no one else around. No, he wasn't sick of me. And, in return, I wasn't sick of him. After drinking too much on Friday night, neither of us wanted to go out. We holed up in his apartment with movies and pizza, cuddling on the couch before moving to his bed. (Oh, I'm not supposed to tell anyone he cuddles.....he has a reputation to uphold, he says.)
We're taking things slowly, especially since both of us are so busy that we can't really get too serious now. I like the slowness, it gives me more time to fully enjoy our time together without getting too scared of what might go wrong. (And if taking it slow means spending 30+ hours in bed together, I can't complain).
I couldn't have said it better myself:
"We don't like the sound of this. Weather.com is reporting SNOW for Thursday and Friday, and we're pretty sure it isn't going to be any pretty soft and fluffy snowman-making snow either. Get ready for the slushy October snow. You know how it likes to play. It doesn't start falling from the sky until you have that five-block hike from the train to your apartment. Or it's sunny outside all morning, and as soon as you step out for lunch, bam! Snow comes out of nowhere. Or what about when you were in fourth grade and had a sleeveless Cleopatra costume all planned out for Halloween? But then fuckin' snow had to come in and make you wear a coat and hat on top of your gold satin dress.
December snow, you're cool. But October snow, screw you." (Chicagoist)
School has taken over my life this past term. Taking more than one class a week is proving to be far more difficult than I expected, especially since one of those courses is Finance, something I have come to despise. I think I was predisposed to hating the class since I am not a math/numbers/accounting fan, but I hate it even more because there is so much work involved and the professor is kind of a jerk. Only three weeks to go until it's over (and I probably bomb the final). I've pretty much determined that this is the term when I break my all-A streak. Oh well.
My other class isn't so bad. It's about Leadership and it's primarily discussion based. There isn't that much work to do for the course and the best part of it is A is in the class with me. He is determined to graduate at the end of this term (in four weeks) so he is taking three classes right now. I have no idea how he is doing it. (Okay, I do know. He doesn't really sleep much. He stays up late writing papers and taking quizzes and turns assignments in a few days late). But since we are both so overwhelmed with school this term, we're finding it very difficult to spend any time together (and our class doesn't count).
So we've managed to be like college kids and study together. And I think it's working. I'm the disciplined one. I sit down and focus and get my assignment done. I manage my time effectively so that I can play when the work is over. A is not quite so disciplined. He procrastinates. He half-asses his work. But he also takes time to relax and step away from school when he needs to. Our studying together is effective since I can be the good influence on him, and we know that when our work is done we can really spend time together.
This weekend was no exception. We had to complete a midterm quiz online before our class on Saturday afternoon. A and I are sharing the book for the course so we had to do the quiz together. And since he has missed a couple classes for personal reasons, I am a lot closer to the material and have all the notes. A, who was housesitting for his friend for a few days this past week, picked me up Friday night and we went back to his friend's place to start the quiz. We started the quizzes late in the night (around 11pm) and didn't finish both of them until almost 4 (with a small break in between). Housesitting meant dogsitting as well so we had to keep taking the dog out and entertaining him so he wouldn't disturb the person taking the quiz. After we finished, we refilled our wine glasses and just talked in between bites of pita chips and artichoke dip. We talked a lot, and he even brought up the fact that he wants to take things slowly. He and I agree that going too fast can make the relationship fizzle out too fast; both of us have had this happen before. But then I lost my chance. He mentioned that his friend Amy asked about us, what our status was, and that she was surprised I hadn't brought it up to A. He said he was surprised as well. It's my awkwardness, my fear, that has caused me not to say anything and I lost my chance during the conversation to really ask him because we started talking about something else and it was gone.
But I've been thinking about it a lot, about what I want A and I to be. Now that it's on the table, I'm not really afraid to bring it up again and really have the conversation.
-I feel like I'm getting sick. I hate being sick. I hate thinking I'm about to be sick. I woke up this morning a bit stuffed up and not wanting to go to the gym. I made myself go. I felt better afterwards. But all day I was sneezing and sanitizing and sneezing. I treated myself to a Jamba Juice because those Berry Fulfillings always make me feel better when I'm sick. And I wanted an excuse to go outside. It was a beautiful 80+ degrees in Chicago on the third day of October. (And I attribute this oncoming sickness to the unseasonable weather. Bah).
-I am having to deal with a very abrasive coworker. I avoid her at all costs. But she needs something from me and I was gently forced into setting up a meeting with her tomorrow. Not looking forward to this....
-It's been three weeks since I found out about my promotion. And I still have NO idea where I'm going and what team I'll be on and I can't tell anyone at work and my raise still isn't effective and I totally need the money.
-I lost my keys. I'm hoping that I left them in my locker at the gym (because I made myself go). Unfortunately, I didn't discover they were missing until I was checking out at the grocery store and the cashier asked me for my Preferred Card. I dug and dug and dug until half my bag was emptied onto the floor and no keys. I gave up. Walked home, arms heavy with groceries yet fingers crossed that one of the roomies would be home. No such luck. I waited 25 minutes before a neighbor let me in and another 40 minutes until one of my roommates let me in. All this with six bags of groceries, almost entirely perishable. I felt like an idiot.
So it was a crummy day, made even crummier when all I wanted to do was go home, lounge around, make dinner, and watch Nip/Tuck. The whole lost key thing, however, totally soured my attitude and put me in a nasty mood. It took food and reality tv to get me out of my funk.
It was nothing like Monday. An uneventful day, for the most part, that began by waking up next to A. I need more of those....
did someone tell beyonce that she can dance? i mean, aside from that butt-shake-hip-jiggle she did in the "crazy in love" video? because these jerky, awkward moves she does in her most recent videos look more like jazzy seizures to me.
It was one of my laziest days in a long, long time. I did not get out of bed until 4pm. And that's after going to sleep sometime around 5:30 am. And in the words of A, sometimes you just need to be lazy.
And it's so much better being lazy with him.
He came over last night to just hang out since neither of us wanted to go out. We ordered food, watched some bad movies on Oxygen as well as a few episodes of The Cosby Show, and managed to stay up until the early morning hours talking in my bed. We haven't had a night like that....ever.
He told me stories (he has a so many) and prodded me to tell stories. I finally started talking about my family, a sore subject that I rarely discuss even with my closest friends. But I started telling him everything, albeit in the most unemotional way because I didn't want to start crying. Few people ever see me cry because I can't stand exposing my vulnerability. So the only people who see me cry are usually the people who have seen it before. And I am not ready to cry in front of A yet. So I withheld some emotion and tried to tell the story as best I could, stopping myself when I heard my voice waver on the brink of tears.
This morning, when we both semi-woke up around 11:50, we turned on the Bears game and didn't move. There would be no food, drink, or (damn) kissing today because it is the first day of Ramadan and that's what I get for dating a Muslim guy. I managed not to eat or drink anything until he left later in the afternoon, but I'd be a liar if I said the no kissing (or other inappropriate behavior) didn't bother me. I don't think I've ever felt so horny in my life.
When he did finally leave I was happy only because I had homework to do and needed to be somewhat productive with my beautiful fall day. Otherwise, my thoughts drifted to when we would get to spend time together again (damn us for both being so busy all the time), especially a time after sundown.
as in "uh oh, i really like A." as in, "uh oh, how do i bring up the 'where is this going' conversation?"
i didn't sleep all that well last night: woke up early and throughout the night due to snoring (his) and cramps (mine). it was the first time we'd slept together in a month and a half. and when i say sleep, i mean sleep/spoon/lay next to each other in some awkward position.
aside from the snoring, i'd missed it. we went out last night to watch some football and just be together. it was me and four of his friends so it's not like there was any alone time at the bar, but i had a great time getting to know his friends better and just hang out. it had been too damn long. as the night wore on, i was sleepy and my buzz was wearing off. i knew i wasn't going to go all the way back to my place when his was a much closer cab ride away. besides, i just wanted to sleep next to him again. it was just like i'd remembered, and it put a smile on my face on this otherwise bland tuesday.
did i mention that i am head over heels for him?
there is something about fall.
something a little clearer in the air.
it's a more serious season than summer, but not nearly as mean as winter. it starts out quietly, with days like today: sunny, breezy, mid-60s temperatures. there is football to watch and the last rounds of cookouts to attend. there are layers.
and then the leaves start to fall, slowly and unnoticeable at first because they haven't dried out enough to become crunchy. once the crunchiness starts the leaves, it seems, are everywhere. covering the sidewalks, clinging to shoes and jackets and hair. but most importantly, it's the glow that those leaves give off on a sunny afternoon. the way everything looks golden in late September/early October if you catch the day at the right time.
and it becomes cooler. layers include heavier jackets and summery items get stuffed into drawers or boxes or the back of closets. out come the sweaters, sleeves pulled down around the hands to keep them warm. out comes the cider, the pumpkins, and the costumes (for my favorite holiday).
then, just as november makes its way in, some crazies start talking about winter and snow and white christmases and don't remember to enjoy those last beautiful days of fall.
all of those things that were stressing me out not too long ago? not so much of a problem.
just this week i got the promotion i've been waiting for. i couldn't believe it! although i knew it would be coming soon, i was still surprised when my boss told me. however, it's been somewhat anti-climactic. i'm not allowed to tell anyone at work yet and my friends really haven't been able to celebrate with me. bummer. i won't know what account i will be working on until everything is formally announced. now i'm just anxious for that (and the accompanying raise).
things are better with A. we talked about the fact that he was ignoring me (actually he brought it up). we're taking a class together on saturdays which sort of sucks and is sort of nice. i feel like i'm in high school again because we just sit in the back and flirt. and i make him buy me lunch during the break.
i also figured out that i can be done with my mba by february! i thought it was going to be at least april before i graduated and, to do so, i would have to pay for some of my classes (i currently attend gratis). but no reimbursement will be needed as my mom's faculty position ensures that i can take all my courses for free. this means that i will have to push myelf a bit more, but i think it's totally worth it.
otherwise, things are pretty good. work is slow and socially things have slowed down from their summer crazyness. i like knowing that i can stay in on a friday night if i really want to while not worrying about missing someone's event.
I was told last night that I am a real Chicago girl. Still trying to figure out what that means, but I'll take it as a compliment.
I am in pull-my-hair-out stressed/depressed/anxious mode this week. The kind of mood where I want to cry at multiple times throughout the day for almost no reason. When all I want is to eat chocolate and have the calories disappear into thin air. When I just want my roommates to go away so I can be all by myself and mope in peace. And sleep, though it's hard to come by, is the best part of the day.
There isn't one specific cause; a number of things could be contributing to my fluctuating, often gloomy mood this week. At first I thought it was A. His say one thing/do another behavior lately has warped my mind. When I think about him, I cannot think clearly nor can I think rationally. It's driving me a bit mad. But he's not the only stressor. Work, which was insanely busy for the past 2 1/2 months, has come to an abrupt halt. I find myself ready for a lunch break at 10:30am. Just a few weeks ago, lunch was that little snack I had around 2:15. You'd think this would make me happy, but instead it's got me thinking more. And thinking more always makes me anxious. This, coupled with the fact that I am antsy about getting promoted, made each day this week (and I only have a 3-day work week) slightly painful. Or maybe it's the statistics final I have to take tonight. However, I think I am just using that as something to blame this all on. I've got a 97% in the course going into the final exam so I have little to worry about. In fact, studying has been one way of getting my mind off other bothersome things.
This morning when I stepped outside I found another possible cause - the suddenly cool, gloomy weather which started on Sunday. It's difficult to get out of bed in the morning when it's dark and rainy outside, especially when my room is almost always dark (thanks to the small space between our building and our neighbor's). Coming home from work has been wet and cold and crowded. Now that I'm not working hellishly late, I leave with everyone else. Which means everyone else is trying to get on the same train. And all of us don't fit (though there are always those individuals who insist that there is room for one last person and that one last person is them). So I've crowded myself into the el car and braced myself against a pole for the three stop (only 8 minute) ride to my hood. But once I'm off the train, it's piddle-paddle through the puddles on Division in my flip-flops, splatters of mud up and down my calves when I finally get home and try to fish my keys out of my bag without dropping my umbrella. That alone would put any reasonable person on edge.
But my favorite possible cause of this distress is the new birth control I started last week. Potential side effects include depression or sudden mood changes. Sounds about right.
i need to relax.
there is nothing to worry about.
he's still into me.
this is why i don't like getting involved with a guy, all these stupid worries come barreling down for no reason. i was mistaking his one text message a day (a sharp decline from the typical 4-6) for him losing interest. i don't think that's the case. i'm just looking forward to spending some quality time with him soon....
Uh oh. I'm at the point in my relationship with A that I'm starting to wonder. Starting to have doubts. Ask questions. Feel anxious.
Not because I'm not interested. It's pretty clear that I am into him. And he knows it. All along I've been feeling the same things from him. He's honest about everything and it's been pretty obvious that he really likes me. But lately.....I haven't been so sure. Maybe it's because we didn't hang out for three weeks. I finally got to see him yesterday because I'd offered to take him out to lunch (I had the day off). Lunch was good. It was partial reassurance of what I had been doubting. But I'm still not 100% sure that something hasn't changed. I just have this odd feeling that he doesn't want to spend as much time with me as he did just a month ago. I'm trying to be as understanding as possible, knowing that he is really busy and that he just started a new job, etc. So I try to understand. But that doesn't make it any easier.
I haven't seen in A in over two weeks. This is when I start to doubt everything. This is when I get a little freaked out. And this is why I get scared when I start to really like someone. Because, inevitably, there will be these feelings of doubt. The feelings that tell me he's no longer interested. That he no longer wants to hang out with me in his bed all day on Sunday. That those wishes to treat me to a lovely dinner were nothing more than empty promises.
I don't really believe this. I don't think he isn't interested. I think we are both insanely busy. I think we are both very loyal to our friends and understand that they often come first. And because we haven't had the whole boyfriend/girlfriend discussion yet, there is no reason to get all bent out of shape. But it doesn't change the fact that I really want to see him. That it has been far too long and I am getting anxious. Especially after Friday night, a night where for 7 hours we sent each other text messages trying to meet up and both of us ending up at home, alone.
So I want to see him. I want to just hang out, the two of us. And it shouldn't have to be this massive effort. Unfortunately, due to our schedules, it often is.
What's a great late night song?
if i'm out at a bar - any 80s hair band rock or captain & tenille
Name 5-10 wistful/bittersweet songs:
Wild Horses - Rolling Stones
I've Been Loving You Too Long - Otis Redding
Hold Me Now - Thompson Twins
Saturday Sun - Nick Drake
Letter to Elise - The Cure
The 4 Best Songs Ever Written:
Astral Weeks - Van Morrison
God Only Knows - Beach Boys
I Believe - Stevie Wonder
Current Favorite Songs:
Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie
SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung
Moonlight Mile - Rolling Stones
3 All Time Faves That Never Get Old To You:
Mo Money Mo Problems - Notorious BIG
Sympathy for the Devil - Rolling Stones
Rapture - Blondie
Song You Want (or did) To Play At Your Wedding:
Into the Mystic - Van Morrison
Song You Want to Play At Your Funeral:
no idea
4 Records You Really Dug from 2005
Late Registration - Kanye West
Plans - Death Cab for Cutie
I Am a Bird Now - Antony & the Johnsons
Favorite Records From This Year So Far:
apparently all of my albums are pre-06.....but I am going to add some 05 that I bought this year
Multiply - Jamie Lidell
Speak for Yourself - Imogen Heap
Good Angry Songs:
Fuck Tha Police - NWA
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
One of Your Favorite Lyrics:
I remember thinking
I'll go on forever only know I'll see you again
But I know
the touch of you is hard to remember
But like that touch I know no other
and for sure we'll dance in the risk of each other
would you like to dance around the world with me
Cover Songs Arguably Better Than the Original:
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds - Elton John
Fly Me to the Moon - Astrud Gilberto
This Woman's Work - Maxwell
Not Fade Away - Rolling Stones
Ironic Song to Brutally Murder Someone to in a movie:
Yesterday - The Beatles
Great Dance Song You Maybe Never Realized Was a Great Dance song Back in the Day:
Blue Monday - New Order (i was just too young to appreciate it)
Good Albums To Workout To:
Speakerboxx/The Love Below - Outkast
Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand
The Immaculate Collection - Madonna
Good Album to Clean The House To:
I grew up listening to the Best of Earth Wind & Fire whenever we cleaned
Good Dining Music:
Sinatra, Martin, or any of the Great American Songbook
Good Album To Have Sex To:
hmmm not Coldplay. I've tried that.
A Good Album To Put You In the Mood (that is NOT Sade, Marvin Gaye or Barry White):
this is strange, but Sticky Fingers by the Rolling Stones (I think it's just the name....and the opening of Can't You Hear Me Knocking)
Good Album To Sleep To:
Cosmic Game - Thievery Corporation
Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Good Rock Songs That You Can Dance To: (not necessarily good songs....but you can dance to em)
Beautiful People - Marilyn Manson
Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz
Nookie - Limp Bizkit
Song That Is Too Damn Sad:
Hope There's Someone - Antony & the Johnsons
What Sarah Said - Death Cab for Cutie
Great Love Song:
Have I Told You Lately - Van Morrison
An Album Full of Tenderness:
any Otis Redding
Song To An Ex That Isn't Meanspirited:
Ex Factor - Lauryn Hill
Song To An Ex That Is Kinda Meanspirited:
Walking on Broken Glass - Annie Lennox
Song for the Dumped - Ben Folds Five (obvious, I know, but I love it)
Song to Listen to While in The Country Looking at Stars:
I just think of Dave Matthews or John Mellancamp
Song To Cry In Your Pillow to:
Hold Me Now - Thompson Twins
Songs That Make You Feel Amped and Inspired:
Walking on Sunshine - Katrina & the Waves
Great Semi-Obscure B-side:
She Smiled Sweetly - Rolling Stones
Song That Makes You Miss Your Mom:
Anything from Tapestry - Carole King
That's Baby Makin' Music (No, Really):
How Does It Feel - D'Angelo
Criminally Underrated Band That Didn't Get Attention and Then Broke Up:
Ben Folds Five - I looooved them in high school
Best Fuck You I Am a Teenager in Pain Song:
Fight For Your Right - Beastie Boys
Feel No Shame: Great Current Pop Songs:
Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado
SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
Do It To It - Cherish
SOS - Rihanna
Album No One Would Expect You To Love:
Bob Seger's Greatest Hits
Album No One Would Expect You To Dislike:
I own Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers Greatest Hits, but I don't think I really like Tom Petty very much. And people would probably think I liked him. Maybe?
Album No One Would Expect You To Really Know:
Deja Vu - Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young
Emo Album You Actually Like:
I don't think I really like any Emo bands.
Good, But Overrated Cause Of Indie Revisionism:
no understand
5 Desert Island Discs off the top of your head (30 sec clock):
Forty Licks - Rolling Stones
Whatever and Ever Amen - Ben Folds Five
The Immaculate Collection - Madonna
Astral Weeks - Van Morrison
3 Contemporary Artists That Were Your Faves 10 Years Ago:
I was 14. I was listening to a lot of crap. And to Alanis Morissette and DMB.
Music That Makes You Feel Sophisticated:
Astrud Gilberto & Stan Getz
Fave Electronic Record You Own:
Multiply (Jamie Lidell) or The Cosmic Game (Thievery Corporation)
Fave Hip-Hop Record You Own:
College Dropout - Kanye West
Hip-Hop Song You Know All the Lyrics Too:
too many. favorite to sing along with - People Everyday by Arrested Development
Random Album You Loved In High School But Are Afraid To Admit It:
SpiceWorld
Album You May Have Listened To More In Highschool than Any Other Album:
anything by Dave Matthews Band....i was obsessed
If You Could Enter A Wrestling Ring to a Song It Would Be:
Honky Tonk Women - The Rolling Stones
(actually this is the song that i would choose for when i was up to bat in a baseball game)
Album To Clear A Room With:
any boy band
Happy 1st anniversary to my blog!
(I'd write more but I'm drinking chardonnay with my roommate and watching the wedding equivalent of america's funniest home videos.)
