Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Stay with me/Let lovin' start

I've renamed today Singles Awareness Day. Actually, I think I stole this from the comment section in another blog, but it fits. I was sitting on the bus, coming home from class tonight and just couldn't help but notice all the couples. Now there probably weren't any more twosomes on the CTA today than yesterday, but today I was AWARE of them. I was watching them. Observing them. Actually, I was doing this all afternoon.

This year Valentine's Day snuck up on me. I kinda forgot about it for a few reasons. First, I have been so busy with work and school and other activities that I didn't really notice. Secondly, I had plans for the day which were not centered around the holiday. Third, I don't have a valentine. I felt fortunate to be out of the office today because, and this probably stems from adolescence, but I don't like being at work on this day. Why? Well, I start overhearing my coworkers' Valentine's plans. I see flowers delivered to their desk. I eat too much candy. And I generally feel pretty down on myself. I start remembering junior high (ewww) and high school. Those were some pathetic Valentine's Days. Students delivered roses or candy during class periods. I never got any unless a friend and I sent them to each other. Girls swooned at their lockers when they opened the present from their 16-year-old boyfriend. And as crappy as the gifts usually were, I still wanted one.

I don't think I ever liked this day. I can't remember a time when I was excited for Valentine's Day. Because I've NEVER had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day. I've never been dating anyone at this time of year. And so I've never had any expectations for February 14th (aside from the abnormally high proportion of individuals who will be wearing red clothing).

So tonight, on the crowded bus, I almost lost it. I felt the tears stuck in my eyes, just at the verge of slipping out and down my cheek. Perhaps it was The Thompson Twins on my iPod ("Hold Me Now" always gets me). Perhaps it's because I am in love with someone who doesn't reciprocate those feelings. But lately (not only today) I've realized that I'm not happy. Something's missing and I just feel alone.


Maxwell Thomas Wastler said...

S.A.D. it was. I'm still up. It's 1:29am, and something about that time seems so fitting. I'm watching... you guessed it: Love Actually, and I'm stark naked under a flannel sheet worn from over 15 years of usage. Somehow all this is important.

I am saddened by your post. Mostly by the high school memories, the lack of reciprocity, and the Thompson Twins, a tear-inducing song I also spin through on iTunes.

I've loved a couple women in my life. One I dated off and on for 4 years. We never managed to either a) be together or b) be in the same postal code at the same time. The other managed to two-time me with a B-List Scottish actor at the same time. Otherwise, I'm in the lonely boat, too.

No cool gifts, or smiles remembered from roses received. Ugh, roses. Cheap, crap flowers, really. I was carrying the pity rose a girl at school gave me today, and I smelled it. Not as good as I ever recalled. Could be the day though.

Regardless. I'm thinkin' of you Erin, and I hope you find Mr. Big. The um, SATC character not the 90s band with a large Japanese following. Although, to be serenaded by Mr. Big the character to the tune of "To Be with You" wouldn't be all bad. Right?

Sub Girl said...

i feel ya. i had a bf for this valentine's day, but that hasn't always been the case. and why does being single on vday make someone feel so bad?? it really does. and why do people wear red on vday? i never did. vday is overrated and there are too many expecations for one stupid day, anyways.

Me said...

I too am saddened by your post. (Mostly because I had know idea I was supposed to be honest while blogging.) If it makes you feel any better I am going to illegally download the Thompson Twins right now!