so here's what happened

For a week I tried getting in touch with A. I heard nothing. No texts, no calls, no emails. I gave up. There was nothing else I could do.

Saturday night I came home from a Christmas party, checked my email, and saw that A had sent me a MySpace message. At the time, I was in a good mood. I hadn't been thinking about him much all day and didn't really want to make myself upset by reading whatever he had sent. So I ignored it. Until I returned to my apartment on Wednesday night. In summary, he claimed to recognize his cowardice, but he had done some thinking and reorganized things (huh? what is that supposed to mean?).

I was angry. I tried calling him after I read it but, of course, no answer. Sent a text. No response. Then, after a bit of further reading, I saw that he had told his friend Jo that "things were going really well with the new chick". Are you kidding me? Now I was pissed. I sent a snarky response to his message and called my mom. After talking to her for 2 1/2 hours, I was done being sad and upset. I got it all out on the phone with her: why I was sad, why I was frustrated, why I need new friends. I realize that this has nothing to do with me; he is just an asshole. He has an ego, and the last thing I need to do is feed it by continuing to try and get in touch with him.

What frustrates me most is thinking about what's next. I have trouble meeting guys, and don't seem to meet anyone anywhere. Before A, I hadn't really dated anyone for about 2 years. A and I met in school. Now that I am finishing school, I don't really have that as an outlet (and he was the only cute guy I ever met in class). My closest friends and roommates all have serious boyfriends, which means that they often spend their time with significant others and not going out with the girls. And their boyfriends' friends? No way. Not interested.

When I woke up this morning, I saw that A had left a comment on my MySpace page (seriously, how old is he? is this how he chooses to communicate with his friends for real?). The comment? Not so nice. Basically wondering why I had been so snarky in my response to him. I told my roommate and just got angry. I balled up my hand in a fist and tried to think of what I should do. Respond? Ignore? I chose to respond with a simple "excuse me?" since that was the first thing that popped into my head when I read his comment. I can't believe this is how he is choosing to communicate with me, rather than just getting some balls and calling me. At this point, I have nothing to say to him, and I know that nothing he says is going to make me feel any better. For some reason, he thinks it's cool for us to immediately just be friends right away. But that won't work, not right away and not given these circumstances. He still hasn't fully explained himself or apologized. He hasn't given me the respect I deserve by actually speaking to me. And he doesn't seem to get it.