Monday, December 18, 2006

reaching for the kleenex...again

I think I have cried myself to sleep every night since last Wednesday. Well, give or take Friday night when I came home wasted and devoured greasy french fries, and Saturday where I spent the entire day in bed or in the bathroom regurgitating aforementioned fries. So that's still four nights' worth of crying.

It sucks. I have NO IDEA what A is doing. Where he is. Why he hasn't returned a phone call or text since we spoke late Wednesday night. Part of me is worried about him, thinking that there is something seriously wrong and that is the reason for him not getting back to me. The other part of me thinks this is somehow all my fault, that I've done something to make him not want to speak to me. I can't understand it.

And it's got me so upset.

One of the things I've learned recently is that I need some new friends. Not that the friends I currently have are bad or anything. It's just that they aren't really around for me. My roommates, which includes my BFF 4-EVA (joke, but seriously, it's been over 13 years of friendship), are never around. While they often have valid excuses for not being here, it's just made it hard when I'm upset. And seeing as I hate being emotional in front of people, it makes it that much harder to just let it all out when they are around. My other close friends are either busy like me or living out of state. As a result, I've found myself crying to no one but the mirror. Having no one to whine to or to express my utter confusion to than the small audience reading this blog. I apologize that every time you read this, I'm confused or sad about the boy. But lately I can't help. With school and work and family being crazy, having issues with him makes me want to crawl under a rock until January. And seeing as A has been one of the few people who has been there when I want to whine or complain about something, it sucks that he is totally MIA.


Ripe for Reading said...

Oh no! Hang in there. Keep busy. Do stuff for yourself: exercise, watch girly movies, bake, shop, and make plans now to hang out with your good friends. Even if they're far away. I hope you have something to look forward to for the holidays. Even if A is in or not in the picture, you owe it to yourself to keep your chin up and ring in the new year on a good note.

Sub Girl said...

i echo what RFR has said--please spend time doing what makes you happy and try not to think about him. it's NOT anything you said or did.

Clink said...

What I've learned in situations just like the one you've described is just to accept the fact that you don't have any control. Once you realize there's not actually anything you can do about him being MIA (other than text & call him - but you're not crazy), it gets a bit easier to digest.

Hang in there!

erin said...

thanks for the positive comments, everyone! it really does make me feel better!

Bev said...

Ack! I can't stand guys!

I don't like giving out advice, since I don't fully understand your situation, nor was I the one in the relationship with A, but I say don't call him. If he doesn't miss you enough to call back or reply, then you need to appear that way as well.