Wednesday, May 03, 2006

what i learned from online dating

My online dating membership is, fortunately, almost expired. I cannot wait until I can open my email and not see winks or messages which all sound a bit like this:

"Hey [MyMemberName], I really liked your profile and it made me want to write you. You seem very interesting and fun. What do you like to do in Chicago? I have lived here for 3 years. Check out my profile and if you're interested, write me back. Hope to hear from you soon."

Sometimes, however, the messages deviated from this standard format. My member name was related to movies (the site suggests using an interest in your name to encourage contacts by other members possibly interested in the same subject). Consequently, I received a lot of emails asking me what my favorite movie was (this was actually a great way to screen guys - if their favorite was Independence Day, I knew right away that I wasn't going to reply). Other times, and far more frequently, I was told how beautiful I was or how I had the prettiest eyes or that I just seemed like a fun person. Wow. All that from a profile? Once I actually looked at some of the other girls' profiles to see how different they could be. They weren't. I tried to spice mine up by adding a photo of me doing the robot and that I love watching Cops.

But all in all, here is what I really learned from the whole experience:

-Everyone is tired of the bar scene.
-Spelling and grammar are totally irrelevant. Finding a guy who can actually craft a decent message is rare and should be used as a way of weeding out the good from the bad.
-Some of the poor English use can be attributed to being new to the country. Apparently, this is a great way for newcomers to learn the language and meet some pretty girls.
-Just because I could be your daughter doesn't mean I'm off limits.
-And even though my profile says I'm not interested in men over 30, it won't stop the dozens of 40-50 year old men who check me out.
-In the online dating world, it's okay to harass a total stranger if she doesn't respond to your first two emails. Because harassing her will only make her want to respond more.
-It is perfectly alright for aforementioned harasser to email this girl after he thinks he sees her sitting across from him on the train. Because that isn't creepy.

Ultimately, I learned that I'm not dating because I don't want to date. Being part of this site gave me plenty of opportunities to meet guys and go out on dates. And, well, I really didn't take advantage of any of it. In all, I met three guys from the site. That's in three months. My former roommate, who joined when I did, went on three dates in a matter of days. She's met tons of guys from the site. But it really wasn't for me. Sometimes I wasn't interested. Sometimes I was too lazy to email or call. Sometimes I put off meeting someone due to other obligations that it just fell through.

Maybe I'm too busy. Maybe I'm too wrapped up in my own life right now. Maybe I've got other guys up on a pedestal and, until I take them down, I won't be ready for someone new.

Here's the day's five:
1. I am optimistic.
2. I'm a risktaker when it comes to food (as long as it's not meat).
3. I am a diligent student.
4. My friends look to me for advice and support.
5. I think for myself.


Sizzle said...

the good news is that because of number 5 and number 1 you are going to be fine in the dating world. . .sometimes we just have to BE and the rest comes.

i feel the same way about dating right now.

JULIO said...

Honestly, I have been using this site called and I havent had any trouble at all. On this site I video chat with all the friends that I have made there and it is so easy to find someone that is nice and that cares about what other people think. Also, I dont think that I have seen or heard any harrasing of any kind. If your interested, check it out.