goin' to the chapel

Unlike most girls, I haven't been planning my wedding since the age of six. It wasn't until I worked for a bridal magazine that I actually started thinking about The Big Day. How could I avoid it? I was surrounded by ads and articles about finding the perfect DJ or selecting a registry. Photos of banquet halls, honeymoon destinations, and Tiffany's inspired robin's egg blue bridesmaid dresses got me thinking about all the elements of my own wedding (whenever that day comes along). I've been thinking about weddings even more now that I've entered that time in my 20s when the wedding epidemic starts. Every time I turn around, another wedding invitation or bridal shower comes along. It starts off slow, a few weddings this summer and fall, but within the next two years I imagine the number of events will triple.

I went to my third wedding of the summer last night (I was someone's date, but the groom went to my college). It was a nice service (I think the Scottish pastor was slightly drunk) and the reception was beautiful. Of course I started to pick out little elements of the day that I would like to have as part of my own wedding, and I started wondering what it would be like when I got engaged and married and who this lucky man would be and what my family and friends would say during their toasts and who my bridesmaids will be and......

It scares me, thinking about marriage, because in no way am I ready for that stage in my life. I see my friends who have recently gotten married or engaged, and I can't begin to think about making such a huge commitment. But it's also exciting to think about how it will happen, finding that person who wants to be with you forever and loves you enough to make that leap into commitment. Knowing that this could happen with the next person I date is especially strange.

Maybe I will come back to this later. I'm having trouble focusing right now.