Wednesday, November 29, 2006

social networking is a curse

So I never had a problem trusting A until recently. Before, I never worried that when he wasn't with me, he was out with some other girl. I never freaked out if I didn't hear from him because I thought he was with some girl. And I never imagined what some girl would even look like. Sure, he's a good-looking guy and probably gets approached by girls at bars when he's with his friends. But I never really imagined him acting on it. Also, A was so busy with work and school during the past few months that he barely had time to see me. Therefore, he barely had time to see anyone else. Problem solved, worries averted.

Not that he has done anything. He has given me absolutely no reason for me not to trust him after five months of dating. Yet, here I am, wondering why I haven't heard from him today. It's not because I am imagining him hooking up with another girl. It's because I'm imagining him not thinking about me. (Pathetic? Yes.)

It all started when he joined MySpace. A month ago, social networking was my domain. Facebook and MySpace were all mine, and he was not part of my little online world. I could do what I wanted: post any pictures, stalk people, be my crazy social networking self. But then he joined and I got excited (at first). How fun! We could be friends for the online world to see! We could post funny messages on each other's pages!

And then, of course, the stalking began. And when I mean stalking, I mean looking at his other friends' profiles and overanalyzing wall postings and taking the whole thing way too seriously. He has many female friends. Female friends with "sexy" type profile pictures. I am a funny/wacky/stupid profile picture person. Of course, this is what I think he likes about me, but maybe I am wrong? Sexy picture girls leaving cutesy messages. Wacky picture girl (me) starts overanalyzing comments. Starts checking out Sexy pictures girls' profiles. Are they "In a relationship"? Do they have pictures with other guys and not him? Did he make their Top 8? Am I a total loser?

Seriously, just writing this makes me feel sort of foolish. But at the same time, I never really had a glimpse into his world until now. Sure, I'd met some of his friends, but it wasn't this way. I was there. I was the girl he came with, the girl he had his arm around. On MySpace, he's just A and I'm just one of his friends (but his top friend at that).


Golightly said...

You are not a loser. I do the same thing...even with (ahem) ex-boyfriends. I can be on myspace for hours over-analyzing their friends (men & women) and trying to break down the codes of comments and the Top 8. I'd be ten times worse if I had a boyfriend on MySpace

Clink said...

Omigod, Erin, I would do the same thing if I were in your position. In fact, I'd probably be worse because I have some insane trust issues. The thing is, given the current 'in-limbo' status of your relationship, it's hard for you to feel totally secure and overanalyzing comes with that territory. Try not to drive yourself crazy with it. Though I never trust sexy photo girls. Who takes themselves that seriously? Grr. The good thing is, I bet A thinks they're just as lame as we do.

Maxwell Thomas Wastler said...

Take it from me, all the analysis, it's just going to lead to a different, inordinately expensive analysis. It's not worth it. Quit while you can.m