a letter to the guys upstairs who make too much damn noise

Dear Upstairs Neighbors,

We've been living beneath you for almost a year now. While most of the time we can coexist peaceably, there are times when the noise you create becomes a bit unbearable for us. Most of the time we hold off on saying anything to you because we don't want to come across as those lame neighbors who can't handle a little noise once in awhile. But it's not just once in awhile.

You seem like reasonable guys. We've partied with you once before and talked to you a few times about the noise factor that floats down to our apartment. In fact, during that late night of drinking in our place, my roommate bluntly told you that the sex you are having with your girlfriends is something we are all too familiar with. We hear it all the time. Throughout the entire apartment. We let you know that it is disrespectful to your girlfriend, to yourself, and to us. Since having that conversation in December, the sex noises have decreased sharply. Perhaps you've broken up with your girlfriends? Or maybe you've discovered a quieter way to get it on? Whatever it is, we do appreciate it.

However, you are still loud. We don't understand how you make so much noise, so we would like to install a camera in your apartment. This camera would allow us to see how you make these noises, which might allow us to better understand why it is you must be so obnoxiously loud everyday. From what we can tell, you guys are constantly dissastisfied with the arrangement of your apartment as it sounds like you are always moving the furniture. Or maybe it is that you are amateur bowlers and are using the kitchen floor to practice when you can't get to the bowling alley.

The third aspect of the noise is identifiable. From our hallway conversations, we've learned that you guys are part of a band. You have invited us to your gigs. We have never attended, most likely because we have our own private performances in the comfort of our living room. For instance, tonight you've been "jamming" for two hours. It's been the same two songs for extended periods of time, and someone is attempting to sing (though their voice is drowned out by the amps you've turned up so loud).

When we moved last year, one of the apartments we considered was above a soon-to-be-opened lounge. We didn't choose the apartment, partially because we didn't want to live above a bar. Instead, we unknowingly chose to live below a blues club/brothel/bowling alley.

We'll be your downstairs neighbors for another year. If you can try and end band practice before midnight on weeknights, we'd be happy. And if you'd also ask your late-night guests to leave a bit more quietly so as we don't wake up to their loud talking and stomping down the stairs, it would be much appreciated.

Next time you have a party - let us know!

Best,
The ladies of Apt 2