the baby thing returns

I don't know if it was the marathon session of Domino's Pizza eating yesterday (mmm....555 deal is so worth it), but I had the most terrifying dream last night.

I had a baby.

I didn't actually give birth in the dream; it's just that I suddenly had an infant. That was mine. That had no father. The baby's eyes were just like mine, but there were no other defining characteristics that indicated who the dad might be. Even more frightening.

It was a realistic dream. I recall actually feeling the weight of the baby, physically and emotionally. Thoughts were running through my head about keeping my job, maintaining my social life, and finding a babysitter. I could feel my life changing drastically as this baby was thrust into my arms. In my dream, I kept walking around with the baby held close to my chest while people talked about me. There were coworkers and strangers, and I think my dad made an appearance somewhere. It just all felt so scary.

Then the baby started crying and someone told me that he/she (no sex was revealed that I can remember) must be hungry. Being the inept, dreaming mother that I was, I started to give her solid food (I think it was cereal). But then it clicked. I should be breastfeeding her. And this was all in the dream.

When I woke up, I couldn't shake the feeling of overwhelming responsibility that this baby dream brought. It's not like I'm thinking of having a child any time soon, but I know for sure after last night that I'm nowhere near prepared for one.