Sunday, November 13, 2005

So now what?

If you asked me Friday morning, I would have told you that no productive conversation with Flip Flop Guy would happen this weekend.

I would have been wrong.

This past weekend was my alma mater's big football game. I went back last year and, seeing as I probably won't be back for quite awhile, decided to take the trip again this year. Two of my close friends were going, so we would be able to stick it out together. Flip Flop Guy was also coming and I was prepared for awkwardness or some angry drunk moments. I got both (but not as bad as it could have been).

I'll try and make a long, probably uninteresting story short. I wanted answers. Since I started writing this blog, I've wanted answers. But I'm too chicken to bring it up (unless I'm drunk - keep reading) and he feels weird talking about it (keep reading). Friday night everything was cool at the bar. Again, his friends asked what was going on between us. I'm getting the idea that he doesn't talk much about his relationships with them; they seem to know nothing. Or this is some weird guy thing where they like to ask the other half what's going on. I don't get it. When they ask, I just shrug my shoulders. Because that's really all I know.

At some point in the evening, rather late actually, I finally tell him that I'm frustrated. I want to know what's going on. And I start trying to explain things in my illogical drunken ramblings so I am making no sense. And he has no idea what I'm talking about. Apparently, we were arguing or I was angry, but I don't really know what I said. Luckily, he didn't recall much other than being angry at me (and not knowing why). When I came back to the hotel room, I guess I told my friend Amy that FFG and I had gotten into a fight. I was a little nervous to see him at the game.

When I did see him on Saturday, I made every effort not to look his way or draw attention to myself. I've made it a point to always make him approach me. Especially if the situation is potentially awkward. Well, he came over to talk to Leslie and, because I was standing about 2 people away from them, I could overhear a little of what they were saying. And I kept hearing the word "her". Their conversation was about me.

He then made his way over to me, cautiously, as if he didn't know what he was getting himself into by talking to me. I guess I can be pretty scary when I'm mad because he's not the only guy to act this way. He tells me he doesn't really remember what happened in our conversation, other than feeling angry after he walked me to my hotel. We hugged. And it was one of those really good, long squeezes.

But Leslie came over and I could tell that she needed him to tell me something. He pulled me away from everyone else and finally told me the truth. The girl he was dating before is out of the country. They decided not to be together while she is gone. They can see other people, but are considering getting back together when she returns (TBD - no set date). She is currently seeing someone, but he is not anxious to jump into a relationship because of the circumstances. I am the closest thing he has to a relationship. He has such a good time when he's with me that he forgets about all of this. Then, when I'm not there, he thinks that he should tell me.

And I told him that I needed to hear that, because I was confused. And I needed to know these things. And as I keep thinking about it and about him, I realize how much I like FFG and I can't just shove him to the side and forget about him.

So now what?

p.s. I also just realized that I might have left my new sweater in the hotel room. So annoyed.


Sizzle said...

oh, i hate when i lose new articles of clothing or jewelry. :(

relationships are confusing. sounds like you like FFG enough to keep spending time with him but if he isn't willing to commit, are you ok with just "hanging out" until the other girl returns.

i just think you deserve someone who is 100% there for you. :)

Me said...

Fo shizzle miss sizzle (sorry, that was too easy). FFG wants some action while his girlfriend is away. That's cool for him and in one extra special way cool for you, but in the long run you are most likely going to get hurt and that's a bad thing. Everyone thinks that they are strong enough to "just hang out" but it will eventually become an unhealthy thing. This is a tricky situation. Tread lightly.

-Ann Landers