hump day recap

The way this week has been, it should be Friday by now. All of my plans to blog about the rude & bitchy coworker who yelled at me on Monday, my recent decision to record everything I eat (apparently I am not the only one), and my growing hatred of the CTA were squashed by the week I've had.

Lately it seems like I can't get half of my to-do list done while I am work. Monday was no exception. I ran around to meetings all day, trying to respond to emails during the brief moments I was at my desk. Since I was going to the White Sox game that night, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay past 6 so I had to get my shit done. Yeah right. So I was frazzled when I left, but more than that I was angry. If there is one thing I hate, it's getting yelled at at work. Especially via email. When it's verbal, you can forget the words you heard. You can forget someone telling you how awful you are. But an email can be read over and over and over again. You keep reading about your failure, imagining the tone the person was using when they wrote it. It's awful.

Let me back up....this co-worker is someone I have worked with in various capacities for over a year and a half. And I have never liked her. Once in awhile she is friendly to me, but that's about once every six months. I am not alone in my dislike for her. In fact, I know more people who don't like her than those who do. I've been working with her a lot lately, so she has been grating more and more on my nerves. Which is why when she sent me this nasty email (and copied my director), I clenched my hands into fists and began breathing very deeply. After a few minutes of glaring at my computer screen, I drafted a sweet email back to her apologizing for what I had apparently done wrong. What made it all better was that my director (who was copied on the entire chain of emails) told me he thought the whole thing was "retarded". Nice.

So I was going to blog about that on Monday night, but then after the game, it took my roommate and I an hour and a half to get home from US Cellular Field. Seriously? It shouldn't take more than 40 minutes. But all this Slow Zone Elimination stuff is making everything worse, at least until September (if you don't know what I'm talking about, be thankful).

Tuesday was, like any other week, awful. Meeting after meeting. Email after email. Urgent requests. Messed up situations. And I knew this was coming; I anticipated a crazy day and decided I should come in to work early (especially because we had a softball game after work). But I have no control over the CTA, and my 15-20 min commute turned into 60 minutes. I almost passed out on the damn train, it was so hot and crowded. When I finally got to work, I had to take my top layer off because I was sweating so much. Gross. The day continued to be a typical Tuesday, followed by a softball game where I actually contributed to one of the eight runs we scored (which resulted in us winning). And then I was more than ready to go to the bar after the game and the day I'd had....so no posting.

In fact, I came home and just felt gross from the waffle fries and grilled cheese and three Miller Lites I had indulged in at the bar. I didn't have much choice given the vegetarian-friendly menu options. So I sucked it up and determined that this would be my gross meal of the week. Because I have finally gotten serious again about eating smarter.

In general, I eat well. But I have two bad habits: snacking and portion control. I love snacking. Especially snacks like chocolate and cookies and generally bad junk food. And when I have food in front of me, I like to eat all of it, even if it's an obscenely large portion. Which is why, despite my morning workouts, I feel gross. I've gained some weight in the past two years, enough to make me want to make some changes. On Monday, I signed up on My Calorie Counter, a free service where you can keep a food journal and track your progress. This is exactly what I need. I know that I am disciplined enough to maintain something like this (a food journal, albeit handwritten, was how I lost weight the first time). My will power is strong: I gave up meat for no reason and 5 years later, I'm still meat-free. I gave up pop/soda for New Year's this year and haven't had a sip throughout 2007. If I want to eat smarter, eat less, and record what I'm eating, I will do it.

I finally had the chance to post tonight because it's the only night this week I didn't have plans (which is why I was at work until 7:30...and that's another post altogether). I probably won't post again until the weekend as I've got another busy day and a work party on the beach tomorrow, and then I am going to the BlogHer conference on Friday (it's actually for work, but I'll be thinking as a blogger too). I'll let you know how it is and hopefully will come back with some tools to make PB&Razz even better (maybe posting a bit more regularly would be a good start, huh?)

up so early

I don't think I've been up this early on the weekend (both Saturday & Sunday) in a long, long time. Both days I managed to get out of bed before 8 am. Perhaps this is normal for some of you (maybe for those crazy marathon runner types that I don't understand), but for me, it's quite rare. I don't sleep too late on the weekends (I usually get up around 9:30 or 10, but to be up this early two days in a row is strange.

Yes, there is a reason for early rising, at least on Saturday. In the spirit of all things summer, my friends had planned a canoe trip for the day and we had to be on the bus (a school bus...for 12 people) by 9am. I had to be at my friend's condo by 8:45. So I was up an hour before that, throwing clothes and towels in my bag and beer and ice in my cooler. The bus trip took about 2 hours; we started drinking around 10am. We floated down the Fox River for about 5 hours, stopping a few times on the way for pee breaks/food, and drank the entire time. There wasn't really much "canoeing" as we barely used our oars for anything other than splashing and pushing off of the ground or rocks. So the 7 mile trip took awhile, but we somehow managed to pack more than enough food & drink for the journey. Enough so that we even had beer for the bus ride back to Chicago. And it was probably not a good idea to continue drinking on the way back, but by this time, I wasn't really thinking clearly. I was dirty and tired and drunk....so why not keep drinking? By the time we got back to the city, I had this really great idea that I was going to go out after I showered and ate dinner. I'm not sure where I got this idea, but it didn't last long. I wound up at home, showered, eating a burrito, and realized that I wasn't going anywhere other than bed. I probably fell asleep around 8:45.

Which is why I woke up so early this morning. I'm not complaining. I managed to get my laundry done before 10am, and, in the spirit of all things Erin, I'm setting off on a little shopping trip for the day (Nordstrom Anniversary Sale?).

advice to chicago tourists

If there is any place I hate most in Chicago, it's Navy Pier. For someone who really cannot stand the tourists in her city, this is the place she should stay away from. And, generally, I don't come here. In fact, tonight was only the 2nd time I'd been here in 3 years. I keep my distance.

If you've ever visited Chicago, especially for the first time, you may have been enticed to visit Navy Pier. Maybe you actually went to Navy Pier: rode the Ferris wheel, took a boat tour, ate some ice cream, and hopefully didn't buy any souvenirs (or souvies as I saw on one sign). If you are planning a trip to the Windy City any time soon, PLEASE don't go there. PLEASE. It's the smartest decision you'll ever make. Instead, travel on the El and visit some of the cool neighborhoods that are slightly off the beaten path. Or even walk around Michigan Avenue and go to the top of the Sears Tower. Just don't go to Navy Pier.

So...why was I there tonight?

My sorority alumni group (of which I am a board member and active dues payer - you can make fun of me starting now) had its July event at the Navy Pier beer garden. The beer garden really isn't so bad although it's not what I was expecting. It's picnic tables surrounding a stage where bands play nightly. There is food and there is beer (duh), but you have to go to a little stand and order it. I expected cute patio tables with umbrellas and wait staff serving drinks. Oh well. Unfortunately for our little group, it rained off and on today, especially as it got later in the evening and closer to the time of our event. No one showed up. Just my roommate (the president of our group) and I. So we left the beer garden as we felt the first signs of drizzle and headed inside to walk toward the front of Navy Pier (this thing is like a mile long, I swear) and find a cab. By the time we got to the front it was POURING and everyone was looking for a cab. So we decided to get some drinks and wait out the storm. But the bar choices at Navy Pier are poor (I think 75% of them sell t-shirts). So we found a place with shitty service, left, and found another place to drink a beer and hope that people would leave so we could get a cab.

In all of this finding of a bar, we probably walked around that damn pier 4 times. And it was hot. And we, like Clink, had to maneuver around heavyset Midwesterners who were more interested in leather goods and Haagen-Dazs to watch where they were going. And it was hot (all the large windows were closed due to the storm). Yuck.

So I repeat....if you are in Chicago, don't go to Navy Pier.

so done

I was on such a roll of trying to post everyday, but I kinda struggled all weekend (I honestly had lots of things to post about but by the time I actually sat down at my computer, I didn't want to do a damn thing).

Is it really only Tuesday? Today was one of the longest effing days I've had in awhile. At 1pm, it felt like it should have been 5 already. I missed our work softball game because I wound up staying at work until 8, getting a salad from Potbelly's (probably not the best dinner option, but I didn't really know if there was food at home), and coming home to watch Rock of Love (and you thought Flavor of Love was crazy).

Wow...it's time for bed.

she's so hot...like a curry

Umm....have you watched Flight of the Conchords? I resisted at first because I didn't really need another show to get into. But to be honest, all I regularly watch these days are Big Love and Entourage (long live HBO). So last week after Entourage, I left the TV on and tried out Flight of the Conchords. A bit odd but, like many an odd show, I've watched all of the episodes now (4 in total) and am totally loving it.

Give it a shot...and I hope you enjoy.

personalization :)

I'm a Yahoo Girl. I've never been one for Googling (my default is Y! Search at work, on my laptop there is a Google toolbar already there so I end up using it). But I love Yahoo. I love Mail and Food and News and Weather and Games and Health (I also work in digital media and am totally a nerd when it comes to this stuff). But as much as I loved everything Yahoo, I wasn't such a fan of their My Yahoo until Beta was unveiled.

If you use Yahoo and have a My page, update it. If you use Yahoo and don't have a My page, create one. It's such a better interface to use now, so much so that I only want to go to My Yahoo, not the homepage. I can keep up with blogs, news, sports, and horoscopes right there. And for those of you whose blogs I have not been keeping up with...I have enabled RSS feeds on my page so that I can see exactly when you updated. Hooray! (Not being a Googler meant not using Google Reader and I didn't really know a way to get RSS into Yahoo until yesterday).

il bel far niente (or the beauty of doing nothing)

Something about vacation really agreed with me. Walking to work today (ugh), I realized this is something I should do annually: take an entire week off of work and not go anywhere or do anything. It's rare that I just get to enjoy everything around me: the sunshine, my quiet apartment, sleeping in (which is 8:30 to me), the beach. Living stress-free. No deadlines. No meetings. No annoying phone calls.

While on my vacation I started a new book, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I've been reading it slowly, just finishing the first third (the Eat part) last night. I think slowly is the way to read this book, to really just listen and enjoy. Gilbert writes a lot about pleasure in this book and, since I was on vacation, this rang so true to me. We so rarely stop to take pleasure in things around us, even if we are relaxing. Most of the time, I use my downtime to chill on the couch watching Making the Band 4 (yes, I love it) or read a book or stalk people on social networking sites. But Gilbert talks about pleasure in doing nothing and just being. And eating too. There is quite a bit of pleasure to be taken from eating. For example, on my vacation I ate Japanese, Italian, Chinese, Indian, American, Cajun, African, Southern, and Mexican (so it helps that Taste of Chicago was happening but still....I like food). I enjoyed my eating, for the most part, taking pleasure in it all. Usually, it's a quick sandwich at my desk while I check my email (not pleasurable).

I went to the gym because I wanted to (and because of all that eating pleasure). I walked a lot in the city because I wanted to. I went to the beach four times and just laid there doing nothing. I went to the MCA. I watched movies at home. I saw The Police at Wrigley Field. I shopped. I spent time with some of my favorite people. I spent time alone. I danced. I acted a bit foolish. I walked slowly to take in the summer. I walked quickly to avoid the tourists.

Which is why I didn't want to go back to work today. No matter how much I like my job, nothing compares to that feeling of having nothing to do. Of having an entire day to do with it what you please and to not feel obligated to do any one thing. Work, while enjoyable, is still an obligation. Which is why I'm going to maximize my time away from now on. Maximize my pleasure.

ouch

The worst thing about going to the beach alone is that you have no one to put sunscreen on your back. Which is why mine is a bit red today. Oops. The back of my legs are also a bit red, mostly because I did a poor job applying sunscreen to them so there are these blotches all over my thighs and calves. Sexy, I know.

So now, on Day 2 of my vacation, I don't know what to do with myself. I went on a walk this morning, then did laundry, but now what? Sit outside on the porch and read? I can't do that all day. Go to the beach and remain on my back the entire time? Hmmm....probably not the best idea. I just know that I need to get out of the house and enjoy the sunshine while it's here (rain is in the forecast later today and tomorrow, and if I'm not at work for a change, I might as well be outdoors).

But aside from all my indecision, I am really liking this vacation thing.

summer break

Mmm.....it smells like vacation. Like a whole week with absolutely nothing to do. I haven't had one of these in awhile, especially where I can just totally zone out and ignore work (aside from the 10 minute conference call I just had). After this, no more checking email or talking about work until next Monday.

When I told people I was taking the whole week off, they all asked, "What are you doing? Are you going anywhere?". Nope, I am staying in Chicago (seriously, when it's summer in Chicago, why go anywhere else?). I am doing nothing except sleeping in, going to the beach, working out, and checking out Taste of Chicago (I went yesterday and the samosas at Zam-Zam are my fave thus far).

So now, I am cutting this post short so I can put on my suit and head to the beach.

six months later

My apartment smells like a flower shop. Random flowers my roommate picked up at Jewel yesterday, my other roommate's bouquet from her sister's wedding, and two dozen roses from my parents. Because I graduated today!

I finished my MBA back in February, but the official ceremony was today. At first I wasn't sure that I wanted to participate, but I am glad I did it. Yet another cap & gown (and gold honor cords - to toot my own horn). The one thing I wasn't looking forward to was seeing A. If you recall, he and I met just over a year ago in class. When I got the text message from him back in April that he would be at graduation, I wasn't really surprised. I knew his mom was probably making him go through it. It had been over 6 months since we'd seen each other, which is weird since I see everyone in Chicago all the time. You would have thought that our paths would have crossed at some point by now.

The minute I walked into the check-in area, I saw him. Since we were both waiting in the A-F line, we waited together and caught up. We haven't really talked over the past few months, aside from some random texts and MySpace messages. It was good to see him, especially in that context. Limited time to talk, no drinking (so no Erin being stupid). And I didn't really know anyone else at graduation so it was nice having someone to hang out with.

I did get the chance to see his girlfriend (the one he started seeing before ending things with me). And this is not meant to be a catty comment, but she. is. not. cute. Seriously. Plain. Bleh. Nothing special. Probably just a bit shorter than me, not by much. Her style, from the outfit she was wearing today, was boring. Boo. All the while I was getting compliments on my sassy shoes.

So now it's weird since I saw him and am thinking about him just because I saw him. That's what I was least looking forward to, the feeling I would have after I saw him.

so you know when you see a guy and he's cute and you are kinda interested...then you look over a little while later and he's talking to that weirdo girl who is at the party and you can only think...well, i'm glad i didn't try my luck with that dude.

yeah, that was my saturday night.

I need to stop doing the following:

• eating
• going out multiple times during the week
• drinking a lot of wine when I go out
• saying dumb things when I go out

Seriously.....

summer friday

So I am wearing one of these trendy summer dresses that is somewhat loose and billowy. I love it because it doesn't cling (always a good thing). I hate it because that means I feel like I can just keep eating and no one can see my belly expand.

And speaking of bellies, I look sorta preggers in it too.

Time to get a frappucino!

(And despite the title of this post, I am not blogging because I got out of work early or anything....quite the contrary, I am very busy but no one is around and it is 90 and sunny outside and I just keep staring at the boats on the Chicago River wishing I could be out there.)

These are the shoes I wore today....it took me months to find a pair I liked.

Sometimes I eat meals like I am camping.

Tonight: toasted PB&J and a s'more. And a glass of wine, which takes away the whole camping vibe.

exhausted: a weekend recap

Is it pathetic that I've used this title before? Seriously, I've barely been able to move since I got home around 6 tonight.

Friday, after work, I came home to just do nothing. Knowing neither of my roommates would be home made it even more exciting to plan out an evening of food, TV, and sleeping. I picked up some wine on my way home, made some dinner, determined that I was craving ice cream, and went back to the convenience store where I'd bought the wine 90 minutes earlier and bought a tub of Ben & Jerry's.

(This was all a direct result of the week I'd had. Not only was I busy at work, I managed to go out twice during the week and stay out past 2 am (Tuesday til 2, Thursday til 3). Whoops. Being hungover two out of five days is pretty bad. There were a few wasted hours early on Wednesday and Friday. Ouch.)

I woke up early on Saturday ready to do something more with my day so I went for a long walk in my hood and then came home ready to head to the beach. It was a beautiful day and I could think of nothing better than spending it worshipping the sun. Since the novelty of my bike has not yet worn off, my plans were to ride to the beach (since that was part of the reason I really wanted the bike). Despite the fact that I almost died multiple times on the way (why are there no bike lanes on North Avenue?), it turned out to be a nice way to get to the lakefront. After I left the beach (a little red due to poor sunscreen application), I continued to ride down the lakefront to Grant Park, where I heard the slightest strains of blues from the festival going on.

Despite all my activity during the day, I was ready to go out and actually spend an evening outside. You see, I have a thing for summer festivals and knowing that there was one going on in Old Town, I couldn't not go - right? My roommate and I went for a few hours, capping off the night with some delicious Mexican food and then almost falling asleep on the way home. Lame, maybe, but I wasn't really up for much more than that. Especially since I knew Sunday was going to be another exhausting day. I met my mom at 11 to check out the Printers Row Book Fair (told you I like festivals) where we hunted for movie posters and books in the sun. Following a reading by Joyce Carol Oates, we decided to get some food and check out the Blues Fest. How have I never been there before? It was fantastic. Food, beer, blues on multiple stages. I was slightly disappointed that I only got to experience a few hours of the festival, but I am making plans to return next year.

After all of that (almost 8 hours of walking around today) I collapsed on the couch, ordered some BBQ (the blues put me in the mood, I guess), and watched -sigh- The Sopranos finale.

Oh, and there's a boy I have to tell you about...

my new wheels

This is my bike. I bought it last weekend after a few weeks of randomly checking craigslist for something I liked. This was the one. I wanted something used since it's not like I need a bike that is A) amazingly awesome or B) about to get stolen. She (I guess it's a she) is purple and black. She is ready to ride the streets of Chicago. I'm just not so sure that I am.

Following the bike purchase, I drove straight to Sports Authority where I picked up a helmet (safety first on these city streets), a bike lock (again, the stealing thing), and a backpack (I haven't owned one since 1999).

It's been almost one full week since I bought her, but I haven't taken her out yet. Admittedly, I am a bit nervous (maybe I should just take her around the block a bit at first), but I've also been consumed with weekend boozing, reading (Jesus Land - check it out), work, and work-related boozing. And Season 2 of 90210 just arrived. Thank goodness.

absolutely nothing

Finally! A 4-day weekend! I have been so effing burnt out by my job over the past month or two that this is like heaven! Four whole days without work! (To be honest, I did check my work email today but that was mostly to delete junk emails since I am recently ALWAYS at my mailbox quota limit.) What makes me even happier about this loooong weekend is that I have NO plans. None at all. The past two years I've had weddings out of town during Memorial Day, but this year...nothing.

So how did I spend my first day of bliss? I woke up around 9 and went on a 3-mile walk throughout my neighborhood (a fitness walk, not a stroll). While I was walking, I kept thinking about how I was going to spend the rest of my day: shopping, relaxing at home, something else? No one else was home and, because the weather was a bit dodgy earlier today, I chose to stay at home. And the thought of shopping in the Loop gave me a bit of anxiety...I didn't really want to deal with people and crowds. So I stayed home and read. For three hours. And finished the book I was reading (East of Eden - couldn't put it down). Which now means I will spend part of Day 2 going to the library to replenish my stack of books.

Post-reading, I took a walk through my neighborhood to the first certified organic bakery in the US (and the first all-organic restaurant in Chicago just opened yesterday in my neighborhood...so you can tell what kind of area I live in). I was in the mood for coffee and something sweet (as I usually am around 3pm even though I had just had a veggie burger around 2). Vegan chocolate chunk cookie? Delicious! I could only eat about half before I had to tell myself to stop and save some room for later.

And now...I am blogging. Because I actually have some free time. I'm not running around my office, hopping to different meetings or dealing with difficult people. I'm not frantically trying to put together a last-minute presentation for a client. I am just on my couch with nothing to do.

too much

The 2-hr season finale of Dancing With the Stars is almost over. I've been watching the show off and on this season, mostly because I just want to fall into something mindless when I get home at night. That's what I've needed lately...mindlessness. I like coming home and just being able to let everything melt away. The past week or so has just been overwhelming to say the least.

After my last post..

I went home to the suburbs to see my parents. I had planned to go home for Mother's Day, and I really had a great time just chilling out in the burbs. Even though being at home can be a little weird for me (yeah, if I haven't mentioned it before, the situation between my parents is odd). I spent all of Sunday with my mom and, after what had happened with Jill's dad, just spending time with her meant a lot (to both of us).

I spent more time in the burbs after that, probably more time in one week than in the past 6 months combined. Monday night a group of us went to dinner with Jill after her dad's wake. The following day was the funeral and burial service. And when I got home Tuesday night, I was just drained. It had been a long, emotional day. To top it off, work has been absolutely crazy lately. Not necessarily tons and tons of work, just a lot going on simultaneously. Even worse is that all of this work involves collaborating with some colleagues I'd rather not deal with.

This past weekend it was definitely time to let go. To relax. Friday night was drinks with friends. Saturday was my high school friend's wedding (in the burbs again) - lots of time spent in front of the DJ and the open bar. Sunday was yoga, a welcome period of relaxation after what had been and what was shaping up to be...overwhelming.

When I walked into my apartment, Jill was there on the couch talking to my other roommate. I took one look at her, outstretched my arms, and gave her the hug I had wanted to give her since 9:45 Thursday morning. We sat in our living room, letting Jill cry and be as sad as she wanted to be. We listened to her and tried to sympathize. I felt my eyes well up with tears a few times while we sat there; I couldn't even imagine how she was feeling. Anne and I bought her sushi and wine, and the three of us ate and talked until we could barely keep our eyes open. I felt better about having Jill stay at our apartment last night rather than letting her go back to the suburbs and stay at her parents' house.

It's weird to think that I will never see Jill's dad again. I knew him for 14 years. He was there when we had sleepovers at Jill's house or when we needed a ride to the movies. Last year he helped us move into our apartment and bought everyone pizza and champagne when we were done. The last time I saw him, in March, he looked like an entirely different person. Gone was the "Uncle Phil" I'd known so long. In his place was a thin, weak, frustrated man. I barely recognized him and I began to understand how this was wearing on Jill.

Part of the reason I think Jill is feeling better than expected is that she didn't want her dad to suffer anymore. She knew he was ready to go and her family needed to let go of the overwhelming sadness that had been hanging over them for 8 months. And while his death is sad, there is a relief that has come over Jill.

loss

Last night I was enjoying the sunshine, warm weather, and company of my coworkers at our team kickball outing. Last night I was joking around, drinking beers and eating tortilla chips, having a great time with my friends from work. Last night my best friend's dad died.

In a way, I knew it was coming. He had been diagnosed with cancer eight months ago and, over the past few weeks, his condition had grown much worse. Just last week he was put into hospice care at the hospital where my own grandfather had died of the exact same type of cancer. My roommate sent an email in the middle of the night to a group of our friends. I read the email this morning at work and had to turn around at my desk so no one could see me crying. I didn't know what to do or what to say. How to react. Should I reply to her email? Should I call? I left her a voicemail with the sound of me choking back tears, telling her I would do anything she needed or be wherever she needed me. I called my mom, again trying not to cry as I left a message for her at work just to let her know. She called me a few hours later and we were both trying not to cry into the phone.

**Sorry, taking a break from posting because I am at work and about to start crying again and maybe it will be better if I finish this at home.**